You know how people who own cats are always going on about how clean they are? I can't get my mind around this. I'm sure these people have seen cats on the streets, eating out of the trash. If you see a homeless guy eating of the trash, will you complement him on his personal hygiene? Will you take him home and feed him milk? A cat's idea of a shower consists on a saliva scrub with his tongue, not only is that disgusting as it is dangerous, this is why cats choke on fur balls, they literally risk it all for a little tongue action.

Satan is a Biatch

I remember this guy in school who was lead guitar in a death-metal band but couldn’t really get it all out at concerts. K being the guy's name, or consonant if you prefer, had an inner ear condition that affected his balance, if he suddenly moved his head more than 66º either way, he would drop instantly on the floor. Never met a Satan worshiper quite so unfortunate. He is dead now, stabbed while fainting. He looked back, saw him coming and dropped out cold. His band later issued a limited edition tribute album named ‘Falling Into the Knife’, I heard it was quite good but couldn’t really bring myself to listen to it.

Oysters and Oranges

The other night in the news there was this piece on oyster farmers, the end went as follows: '...oysters together with Vitamin C can help fight off colds'. What the reporter probably doesn't know is that, so can much of anything else! The key factor in the equation is really Vitamin C, isn’t it?

The Hogan Effect

Have you ever noticed how in action flicks, whenever the bad guy has a girlfriend, she's always this I will tear your clothes apart in the sack semi-psychotic hottie?! You'd think with all those profits from evil-doings villains would be able to afford a decent tailor.

The Wizard of Menlo Park

Thomas Edison said invention is 1% of inspiration and 99% of transpiration, rumor has it you could smell him from miles away, especially after he'd been dead for a week.


I never quite got the fascination with the underlying love drama in Peter Pan. What's so unusual about a fairy in love with a guy in tights anyway?